Jumat, Februari 20, 2009

Update

Hei people. I know it's not midnight, so officially my birthday is still today. I don't know, I just like blogging, I could blog twice or three times a day depending on how busy I am that day. Don't worry I'm not this freak all the time. It only comes recently because I've given up chat via Yahoo Messenger if it's not important or maybe only use it at the end of the day when I feel like it, a few forums that really take most of my time in one day but I still can't get rid of facebook especially coz they've invaded my email. I could get dozens of emails and they're all from facebook! Damn you! I have to change my email address when my internet connection is normal again coz right now it's just soooo slooow it starting to frustrate me. =_=

Uhm, yeah, I want to thanks all the people that goes to the trouble of wishing me a happy birthday from every corner. Especially at my facebook. My facebook wall is full with best wishes from my friends. Lol. Thank you sooo much. And I really thanks Miss Twizted--who's blog I follow--which has given me my birthday present in her blog and Rifa, a friend of mine, also had written about me at her blog. Huge thanks *and a huge hug too* from me to both of you for sharing so much love to a complete stranger like me. Lol. Thank you!

I got numerous phone calls and text message from my friends and my sister (of course), a hug from my mom and a lot of birthday wishes from the blog comments that I received and in my oggix shout box too. =) Really make me feel all warm and mushy inside. Lol. And of course the numerous message at facebook and emails. I even got a birthday wishes from the forum's that I follow. Lol. It's quite funny seeing on top of my facebook wall there's an announcement from facebook saying happy birthday for me. Check it out when you're having your birthday y'all. Lol.

But it's not all pretty and beautiful day. It's currently 8.19 PM as I'm writing this at my home (finally) and through the entire day my mind just keep on wrestling with some stupid thought and the realization that I haven't done my job properly. I mean, I'm not as diligent as I was to be. I got sick and tired of my job desk and I'm starting to feel allergic with numbers. I'm not kidding! If I see another number I'll go berserk! &#^%#*@*%$# (just pretend it's a curse) I'm questioning if my income is halal (at my current division) and will I still be doing this job in a few month ahead when I am already a full time worker at my office. I could ask to be place at another division and I don't see any reason to not do that.

I got cold shoulder from my boss this afternoon when I was leaving the office to go home. He give me this silent treatment and I got scared if he would lay me off from my current division. I mean, I know I wouldn't get fired or something serious like that but I hate to get this very scary treatment from my very generous boss of mine. He usually talks a lot and I always like, 'Ugh, give me a break and talk to someone else, Sir'. But if he doesn't even bother to talk to me, even just a little, I know that there's something really serious is in his head right now and I think it's a pretty big deal. I just hope it doesn't include me. :'( Because even though I want to leave this division I don't want to leave it with a bad name.

I know I haven't work my best and I lost control of time (when I blog or do blog walking it usually at office hour coz I use mainly my office Internet connection) but I will try the best that I can in the future--at least until I'm taken as a steady worker at this place and move to another division. Even my boss know that I can't stay in this division. It's just not working for me. But my work is degrading to the lowest level. I don't have the power to control my time. It's 24 hours a day but it felt like time goes by in a flash, especially when I'm playing around with the internet (like I can do anything else other than that. Lol.).

My other issue that I'm trying to deal with is my praying time. I know as Muslims we are obligated to pray five times a day and I really working on that. I'm trying my best to fulfill my praying time but the problem is... I like to delay my praying time 'till the last minute! Like, it's dhuhur time and I'm watching the clock and it's still be 12.30. I usually just ignore the clock and keep doing whatever it is I'm doing at the time. When I check the time again, it's already 14.00!!! OMG! Astaghfirullah. Most of the time I would run to the musholla and pray than run to the canteen to get something to eat coz I usually would delay my lunch time 'till last minute also. Sometimes I would look at the clock and it's already past dhuhur. =_=

I mean, aside from my lack of time discipline on my praying time, it's also very unhealthy! What the hell is wrong with me?! I easily get addicted with something that caught my attention. This time it's the Internet, last time was TV (curse you TV!!!), if I gave up the Internet, what's next? There will always be something that I'm addicted at. Until I can control and balance my life properly, there will always be something to be addicted at. My obsessive behavior at something/someone really need to be control. I'm a big girl for God sake.

Ugh. Help?

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